Hm, don't care!

I just need someone like Derubiru to be around again and make me fall love once again :)

Have to get used to this. :) It's not a biggie

How? :( I feel so incomplete without my luggage there :( heartbreak

I meant not how I want it.. ahh....another one....whatever it is..i don't give a damn

Don't mind me when I am only looking for you when I need help. This is how I want it but you made it so . Zzzzz..won't mention what have you done here.

It's weird this friend is acting so. Knowing him for about 2 or 3 years. Just don't get it but it's all up to you

They do change very fast and it's kinda sad though. But after you think about it, there's nothing sad about it :)

OMG. Today I spent a lot. A lot for me though, maybe not for you and not for others. I bought 3 pieces of clothes for Rm 150.++ After I came back and check, I tried to calculate if the price is correct and to my horror, I think the cashier made some mistakes!I ask my mom worriedly if she could remember the price. and was doing trial and error for the price after discounted, and in all ways the price didn't seem right. In the end, I marked up the price higher and turned out to be the right amount that I have paid. Only then I was like o.o Erm, that pants/blouse that expensive? !$&()_)(*&^%$ wth, okie, what a stupid mistake i did and I actually think it don't come with the price >< arg and I am not sure I should call the shop and ask for the exact amount rather than simply marking up the prices. How? :'(

Gonna restart this blog but won't divert to another new link cause it's too troublesome, only the content need to be 'restart'. Haha. Happy New Year 2011 to all and enjoy! :) cheers

Yeah, I came back to watch drama on the tv. I came back also to know more scene live telecast. It's like what I expected, that's why there is always reason I never wanna come back during holiday. I know avoiding all this is not the way to solve problem , but even after this scene, there's nothing i could do as it's out of anything that i could help. there's nothing i could except burdening how i have already felt. so it's like more problems for myself. oh well, what i can do is know a lot, but stuck in my earphones after that, so i hear nothing. that's why i am almost deaf now, enjoying music in maximum volume all this while. nothing goes right this few months for me. everything seems ..hopeless.

Love or Not Love

I have this inspiration at 1 am , and this is the first time i post something at this blog ever since I reached Miri this semester.

It's hard to be loved and loves people. When you are loved by some people, you might not have the same type of love that wanting to be with someone who loves you. Or it is just not the love you want or the people who love you. When you loves people, you might not get back the love that you want or that person not want to be with you when you want to. Love is so simple and yet complicated. Love itself is a very special and simple feeling but love get complicated when it forms a bond between two or more people. Love causes jealousy, fight, argument, marriage, divorce, and the list go on. It has the good and bad part of course. When you do not love, or not to be loved, you feel lonely. I always believe that we can live good without love, but today somehow I feel I am wrong all this while. Suddenly I feel the emptiness inside my heart and I feel like it's calling me so that it can be filled but I don't know who is my heart calling. It has no one to call. So I think my heart just get tired of calling, filled with disappointment and it finally stop calling for anyone. Actually it has been calling for someone, but I do not allow my heart to call out because sometimes I think I am just being used that my heart even got cheated by it. I closed it and it rested not so well. It starts to get sick and painful. That's when I start to treat it with junk food and lots of unhealthy ones. I believe it will not recovered that fast. My heart is never mend since 3 years ago. It was alright at first but I can't believe it just get worse here. I am suddenly so sick when I talked about the past but I love thinking about it. Sick because I think talking about this, just make me like a stupid girl. I would try to stop myself talking about this from now onwards and I know I should look forward. I kept and keep too many stuff inside my heart and I have no one to share it here. I have ones previously but recently this 'ones' just successfully prove that he's a guy like no difference from other guys. It got bottled up for too long that until sometimes I don't even know what has happened and what is going on. I hope my heart stay strong and continue to breath. Breath within the blood without being filled with anything else though I need to.

*wish myself all the best* =)

Today marked the end of my foundation in engineering. So it's almost a year since I reached in Miri to pursue my tertiary education. From the very beginning, I never expected and never ever ever thought I am going to end up at Curtin Univesity of Technology, Miri. Previously at secondary school, whenever there were education fair, I would went to Curtin University consultant and got a few pens and notebook as Curtin are the most 'generous' one. Perhaps, they used materials to attract more students. Lol. I ended up here due to some reason though, which sometimes I wonder about it and did think it's better if I never ended up here. Final exam with 6 units were over and results going to be released 10th of July. Final exam papers are:

Physics: Sucks. Fuck
Chemistry: Hard. No comment
Engineering Maths: Thanks to Mdm Jane's guidance
Moral Studies: Will never understand
Programming in C++: Kinda hard. No comment

Oh my god! It's going to be Friday, 45 minutes from now. Last Friday was like yesterday. I don't know what's happening and what's going around me. It's too fast. Next week will be final exam and that indicates the end of my foundation year. In about a month time, I am going to enter degree. Time flies way too fast than I expected. I thought 4 years that I gonna spend here will be slow. But not happening for first year, and I predict the rest of the years will be faster than first year. I wish it could be slower so that I could enjoy the joy and pain happening around me. It's moving too fast until I don't know what's happening. A big ? in my mind always. Well, it's not a happy first year for me because of a lot of stuffs. Guess it gonna be worse way ahead, but I have to be grateful for everything happens for a reason. Gonna thanks to somebody who I always slammed everything to, even though I have been saying same thing to him/her. Thanks for the patience. It's gonna be hard time for ye. Hmm, that somebody is going to oversea after I finished another semester. Aw, nobody else for me to complain anymore. So, I gonna practise bottling up. =D
Well, even though I don't know what I have studied this week, but life goes on. I will take the challenge to survive. Not gonna take myself seriously as no one else does. I'll remember this : "Be Grateful for Everything Happens for A Reason" - (by someone)

Roses

When roses are red, you think of the future.

When roses are dead, you think of the past.

When you look back,

You ask the time to stop,

So you could turn back and restart,

But let me tell you,

You are just wasting your time,

Because Time do not communicate with you,

It's on it own,

It does not listen to us, people

It does not talk to the other time too, -the

past and future,

You're wasting each second,

begging time to slow down or pause,

Now i tell you,

Go ahead and do think of the past, when

you walk,

You're walking ahead but thinking of the past,

But when you reach one placed,

Stop thinking of the past,

Step in and give yourself to this world- Now.

Lol

Now first of all I want to let you know that
I've been known for some minor
mood strings now and then
It all started back when people were doing me wrong
And because of my position I would hold my tongue for then
Bad relationships and people I thought were friends
And people judging me before they get to know a thing
When you decide to step to me
It shows me so clearly
You just want to see, see the other side of me

And you don't know what I'm going through
And you might think it's all about you
But it's everything I've been holding back
It's just bad timing to come at me like that

I try to keep my cool, thus, that's what I try to do
But it's so hard dealing with people just like you
I try to walk away from situations that run
Into complications that make me lose control
If I give in to you then it's what you want me to do
And if I lose my cool then I'm only pleasing you
You know just how to push me, my temperature is rising
Blood pressure is building, I'm about to lose control

I'm sorry, did I cross the line
I tried to warn you away
Way ahead of time
I'm so frustrated that I feel like I could cry
This could be the time
But I'm not going out like that

Guess the title?
Lol. This is a song. Anyone who is interested with this song, can tell me and I'll send you. Perhaps, not such a nice song.

Hard

Do u think adding the word 'hard' make your life more interesting?

study hard

play hard

cry hard

name one yourselves.

By study hard, play hard, cry hard, it make your life something , sort of -meaningful.
By not applying it hard, it's just study, play and cry, sort of -dull
But by applying it hard too, it make you feel like dying sometimes.
By focusing hard on one thing is way too wasted by spending your life hard on that one thing.
So what's the conclusion? You think about it.

First comes to mind

I joined this marathon that held worldwide. Time getting too fast when I grew older and taller. I was left behind despite the longer legs I had now. I ran and ran but I see people were all ahead of me. I asked for help. Nobody turns back. So I decide to continue the journey all alone. Determined to stay alive and reach the destination. I walked and find ways to stay alive along the journey. I met few people who didn't turn back for my help just now. I saw them getting tired and gave up hope to continue their journey. I stayed with them, hoping we could know each other better. We continued the journey together. Finally after the passion, we see hope. Till the destination, I was about to bid farewell, they left me without bidding farewell. They ran ahead to the end point without turning back again. I could see happiness on their faces. I walked alone back to the end point. One of them told me , "You shall wait for no ones but continue your journey without dying , by the mean of using people, things around you, just make sure you don't die."